Abhedya, burdened by a fragile notion of self, embarks on a meditative journey that leads him to profound insights about suffering and identity. His experience reveals how resilience is connected not to hardness but to embracing emotions fully.
Questioning the Self
Abhedya asked, “Is there no self?” His friend responded gently, explaining that the self is like a candle flame constantly renewed by tiny parts of the wick burning in sequence. This creates an illusion of a steady self, but beneath thoughts lies a deeper stillness where observer and experience merge. During deep sleep, meditation, or immersion in nature, our sense of self dissolves.
Meditative Discovery
Though unsettled at first, Abhedya began daily meditation, allowing thoughts to pass until he rested in silence beneath them. One day, in deep stillness, he lost all sense of self, and a tear quietly slipped down his cheek. Unexpectedly, his mind held no sorrow or joy to explain it. This tear was striking, especially since he suffered from chronic dry eyes that no doctor could cure.
Memories and Emotions Surface
As the tear traced his cheek, memories he had long locked away emerged vividly: silent meals after his wife left, the lingering smile of his son lost to COVID-19, and quiet mornings spent watching office-goers after losing his job. He had long held back tears, hardened by pride like scar tissue. Yet in silence, that unbidden tear revealed the courage to fully feel emotions rather than withholding them.
Witnessing without Attachment
Encouraged, Abhedya stopped resisting the thoughts and feelings these memories carried. He observed them as a distant play, no longer an actor but a witness watching clouds drifting by without clinging or condemnation. When emotions brought tears, he cried while observing the connection among thoughts, feelings, and tears. Over time, these memories lost their emotional charge through daily meditation and self-observation, loosening the grip of suffering.
Breaking Illusions of Suffering
Abhedya realized that when no one claims suffering as “mine,” pain coils and passes like a snake slipping past a twig. His tear symbolized the crack made in the wall of illusory selfhood, opening to something larger than the self he had defended. He acknowledges that miracles arise beyond control, but his discovery echoes wisdom traditions.
Timeless Wisdom on Self and Suffering
The Buddha taught the insight of anatta—no fixed self—and that while pain is real and fleeting, the sufferer is an imagined construct born of clinging. Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron says, “When we soften and fully experience emotions we’ve resisted, the self we’ve defended begins to crumble.” Philosopher Evan Thompson notes seeing the self as a mental construct lets experience flow without clinging.
Practical Reflection
Like Abhedya, we can sit in silence and review conversations gently, noticing triggers and rehearsing wiser responses. Journaling reveals interpretive habits, allowing us to introduce alternative interpretations, cool emotional charge, and open space for clarity.
Empathy Through Sorrow
Our sorrows come not to crush us but to awaken empathy and invite the question: who suffers if no fixed self exists? Grief and pain fade like passing clouds unless fueled by the ongoing story of selfhood and its suffering. As Wei Wu Wei asks, “Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9 per cent of everything you think and do is for yourself—and there isn’t one.” Embracing no fixed self, like Abhedya, we become indestructible.
